Moving and Marital Stress

We're moving next spring, probably either to Knoxville, TN or Roanoke, VA. For me, this move can't come soon enough. To move and then go blind is a hundred times easier than to go blind then move.

My wife and I walk along the San Antonio river quite often. We usually do between three and five mile walks along different parts of the river. Over the years we've walked both sides of the river from a mile south of the dam on Military Drive to a few miles north of The Pearl Brewery, a stretch of about 20 miles. I've walked and jogged it enough times when I could see that I know right where I am anywhere in the river. I know where the foot bridges and low hanging tree branches and abandoned factories are. The smallest of visual cues is all I need to clue me in to where I am and what's around me.

I find that comforting. I can't get lost on the river walk anymore than I can get lost in my own house.

Both Roanoke and Knoxville are in the Appalachian mountains. There are hikes to waterfalls and scenic overlooks just outside each city, and I anticipate hiking those trails weekly. And I very much want to get to know the trails before I lose my remaining eyesight.

I want to get to know my local grocery store, my neighborhood park, even my own house and yard, too. It's a race to get to our new home before the longest of nights begins.

This sense of urgency I'm feeling is stressing out my wife. She does not welcome change and my excitement for this move is making her anxious. It came to a head when I asked her to update her nursing resume so we can take a few copies with us when we visit each city in a few weeks, which was about the same time she said we should stay here another 6 or 7 years until our daughter Rachel turns 25.

She's unwilling to be rushed. I'm unwilling to wait.

I offered to move there early and she could come later, but she doesn't want that. She actually said I'm too sexy to leave unsupervised =) So we agreed to stick to our original target date in May, when Sara turns 18.

But neither of us is really comfortable with that. I know how fast I'm losing my vision and I feel if I don't get to know the new city by Christmas I might not be able to see it at all. She feels she's abandoning the kids and grandbabies and we should continue providing a home for Sara and Rachel until they're both married or until they turn 25.

We can each see where the other is coming from. We each agree both points of view are reasonable. She knows my point of view is important to me and I know hers is important to her.

I've agreed to tone down the excitement about the move. I've stopped looking at real estate sites when she's home. She's agreed to update her resume and have it ready for our trip. We've agreed to couple's counseling, both for this and to help us deal with the aftermath of the whole situation with the dogs.

It all sounds good. It would seem we've reached a compromise and are each getting what we want. But I just don't feel at peace with this. My concerns weren't taken seriously last year with the dogs, promises were broken and I was the bad guy for reminding my family they had made those promises.

I'm having a hard time believing promises will be kept this time. I'm afraid to get my hopes up.