The Only Disability in Life is a Bad Attitude (And Why it's Harder than it Sounds)

Life isn't about what you CAN do, it's about what you actually do. Can doesn't matter if the ability isn't put to use.

If you CAN read but haven't sat down with a book in years, you're not any more literate than someone who can't read at all. If you CAN get the job done but don't because you're not motivated you're not any more helpful than someone who doesn't have a clue. If you CAN but you don't your end result is the same as if you couldn't.

"I can't do that, I'm blind!"

We each have to choose if our blindness is a road block or a speed bump. Life is more challenging for blind people, but if we're determined to keep living we'll find a way.

After all, everyone you'll ever meet is handicapped, some just more visibly than others.

* * *

Here's a story I've never told anyone before -

Years ago I went to a Halloween party with some friends from work. A girl I knew was doing free Tarot card readings. She offered to read my cards for me.

I don't believe in anything supernatural. Not gods, not devils, not ghosts, not astrology, and certainly not Tarot cards. But she seemed eager to read my cards and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I agreed.

She handed me the deck of cards and told me to shuffle them. Shuffling would somehow put them in the order they were supposed to be in for my reading. Whatever. I started shuffling them.

She stopped me because my heart wasn't in it. I was supposed to think about a question in my life while I shuffled the cards. If I wasn't focused on a question my subconscious wouldn't know what to reveal through the cards.

That got my attention. I didn't know anything about Tarot cards or how they were supposed to work before this, and I really didn't understand how my subconscious was supposed to arrange cards in the right order since this was my first reading and I didn't know what any of the cards meant, but I was beginning to understand the philosophy behind it.

It was psychological, not supernatural.

Either she did Tarot card readings different than everyone else or I had misunderstood the whole concept.

I shuffled the cards again, this time with mindfulness. I don't remember what question I was thinking about, I only remember I was giving Tarot cards an honest chance.

She flipped over a card, looked me right in the eyes, and said "This card means your stories have the power to change the world."

I'm still a skeptic. I always chose the natural explanation over the supernatural. I don't believe in Tarot cards.

But I haven't forgotten my stories have the power to change the world.

* * *

A few months ago I suggested Rumster make a single thread in r/Blind for questions from sighted people. The blind community was tired of seeing the same questions over and over again, and good content by blind Redditors was getting crowded out by an overwhelming number of questions from sighted people.

I even wrote the blurb introducing the thread.

Now I feel obligated to answer the questions. Not too many other members of r/Blind want to answer them. I feel if they don't get answered in the questions thread the people asking them will just put them back in r/Blind and we'll be right back where we were before Rumster created the thread.

This morning I logged on and looked at the questions that appeared overnight. Same stuff as always, "We're engineering students from XYZ College and we want to design something to make blind people's lives easier, what should we create?"

It's a well meaning question. It comes from a generous heart. I get that. And I'm glad people are willing to help. But this morning I realized they're asking the wrong question. All of them are. It's the wrong question because it's based on the false idea that blindness is a roadblock to living a good life.

I don't need another gadget. A new phone app or a wearable proximity sensor doesn't excite me. I've already figured out how to live a full and rewarding life without eyesight. Many blind people have.

Many of us, but not all.

We all go through grief and self pity. For some of us the journey is a quick one, for others it takes a long, long time.

This is what the engineering students from XYZ College don't understand. They think their device or app is going to enable us to be able to do the things in life we can't, but it's not our blindness stopping us, it's our attitude.

We're either already doing what we want or we're stopping ourselves by saying "I can't." We've found a workaround or we've already given up. I think that applies 99% of the time. Very few of us are still looking for a way to do something.

If we've discovered a workaround we don't need your latest gadget. If we've given up we won't use your latest gadget.

If you're an engineering student at XYZ College please don't stop innovating based on what you've just read. But we owe it to you to show you the true nature of the problem you're trying to solve.

The nature of the problem is how we choose to live.

We can cook. We can shop. We can go to parties. We can hike. We can clean. We can swim, water ski, dance, exercise, teach, babysit the grandkids, write, and anything else your app or device is meant to help us do.

Unless we can't. We can't cook because we're blind. We can't shop because we're blind. We can't go to parties or hike because we're blind. We can't dance or clean or swim or babysit because we're blind.

Each blind person has to make a choice - will their blindness be a speed bump or a road block?

This is the elephant in the room. This is the part none of us talk about. If I say blindness hasn't stopped me I come across as an insensitive braggart who can do stuff other blind people can't. If I say blindness has indeed stopped me I imply blind people are pitiful and incapable.

It's easier to ignore the elephant than to talk about it. In a community this small it's better not to alienate anybody.

I think this is the kind of thing Rumster wanted me to write about - the things about blindness that don't get acknowledged - when he asked me to articulate the blind experience in a blog.

But if I'm going to address it in this space I'm going to be honest about it, which means I need to admit it's not as easy to choose speed bumps instead of road blocks as I've made it sound. I framed the question like it was equally simple to choose between Door A and Door B, but the grief which accompanies losing our eyesight makes one choice a hell of a lot harder to find than the other. So does the lack of blind role models, the lowered expectations society has for us, and the unintentional prejudice we sometimes face.

I was in a good place when it happened to me, out of debt, happily married, and at the top of my career. I had the family support I needed and the confidence gained by mastering my profession. I'm a white male in America so expecting cooperation when I advocate for my own needs just seems natural to me. I'd spent over 50 years turning life's road blocks into speed bumps so I was already in the right head space to do it again when I got the diagnosis.

And it was still hard for me to do.

A younger, less confident, less experienced me, without my wife and kids to help me, would still be saying "I can't, I'm blind!"

Still, I stand by what I said even if it makes me sound insensitive to those who haven't seen through the fog of their pain and grief.

Blindness is a great reason to say "I can't!"

But it doesn't mean we can't say "I can!"

The choice is ours.