Loving a Blind Man

I went blind 30 years into our marriage. My wife has had to make a few changes. I'm going to list them in whatever order they come to me, not necessarily in order of importance.

  • She's had to conquer her fear of driving in heavy traffic

  • She's had to become responsible for the family budget

  • She helped me through the grief and depression while I mourned the loss of my vision and my potential

  • She acts as my sighted guide, holding my left hand while I use my white cane in my right

  • She has to read my mail to me

  • She's had to be strong all the time

Perhaps the hardest adjustment she's had to make is being the only breadwinner in the relationship. We're still waiting for an answer from Social Security.

There's a level of extra stress that comes from being the only one with a job, a sense of obligation that never, ever lets up. Taking an unpaid day off is suddenly a Very Big Deal. She doesn't even get to feel I've got it easy since I'm not expected to work anymore. She was a stay at home mom for years while I did what she's doing now. She can't feel it's unfair because she'd feel like a hypocrite. She just soldiers on.

I got to grieve. She didn't. I had time to come to terms with my new life. She didn't. I'm the one everybody asks about - "Is your husband okay? Is he taking it well?" They should be asking about her. She's doing all the work and I'm getting all the sympathy.

It is unfair to her. She's my lover and my best friend - I want her to be happy. She hasn't complained but I can tell it weighs on her. She's a nurse. Now, thanks to my blindness, she feels like she's caring for another patient even on her days off.

I would feel sorry for her except I'm just so in awe of her! I've always been crazy in love with her but she's upped her game to accommodate my new condition and shown a side of her neither of us knew existed. She's always been the shy one, the one who's happy where she's at, unambitious and content just to be a mom, a grandma, and a wife. She never wanted to be the primary mover and shaker in the relationship but she sort of got thrust into it and she's excelled at it.

Blind people often feel misunderstood and lonely. We can't always do our fair share of the household chores. We are a little more needy. Our income potential isn't as high on average. We won't notice your new haircut. We'll break a toe if you leave the box from Amazon on the floor. We can be moody, especially if we're still grieving the loss of our eyesight.

We aren't easy to love.

To those who love us anyway, thank you. You're amazing and you deserve recognition.

And Snuggle Bunny, I know you're reading this. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you. You're my Happily Ever After.


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